A volte

b41737ccec76ccbd75f373600e89f024.jpgSometimes… I think about you sometimes.
When my world is in chaos,
I bring back all those happy memories;
As if you were here back again with me.

Sometimes… I dream about you sometimes.
When I don’t want to live in this world,
The cruelty and selfishness diminish.
And I find comfort in your memory.

Sometimes… I miss you sometimes.
When I feel alone in the sea of faces,
And I tried to find yours in them;
It felt like a little glimpse can heal me again.

Sometimes… I wish you back sometimes.
When everyone is leaving.
When everyone finds their way home.
But oftentimes, I told my self you have
no heart of coming back.
And my sometimes will always remain as sometimes.

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The Ever Infamous LOVE

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They say first love never dies. But I tell you, because of this so-called first love I was dying everyday for the last 4 years. (but thank God! I am better now!)

Falling in love for the first time is the hardest and most risky falling you’ll ever have. Falling from your seat is much bearable than the pain you’ll get with a broken heart. Physical wounds would only take days to mend but mending a heart is a different story.

I don’t know with you but with me, I fell so hard and I was having a difficulty of standing up and moving on. The unrequited love was too much for me. It’s like a ten-pound weight chained into your heart and you can’t get it off. They say crying would help ease the pain but it just swell my eyes and I feel completely numb, physically but not emotionally and mentally.

When you feel too much pain and can’t even get a hold of yourself, every single feeling of hunger, sleepiness, disease or something that can be physically felt were all gone. And you can only feel the pain throbbing in your heart.

Especially when it was your first time falling and no one is there to catch you. Tragic right? Real life is far fetch from fairy tales we’ve seen in TV. That when a Prince would kiss you after sleeping for hundred of years or slipping a shoe would give you a happily ever after.

They did not show us the ups and down. They did not show us about Princesses arguing with the smallest things with their prince and how they make up. How love does not have only one trial to surpass but a lifetime of obstacle for us to overcome.

I don’t want you to be scared and give up on love. I am only telling that love is painful but beautiful at the same time. There are lucky ones. The ones who fell in love with only one person their whole life. No break ups, no flings and no feeling of falling out.

So when you found a person who gives you butterfly or what I call stomach acids churning, enjoy it. Heartbreaks takes a lot of time to heal and be back on your feet again it cannot compare to the joy it brought you when you were in love.

Someday, you will look back to the times you felt terrible and depressed, and find it somewhat funny how you were like that when there is so much to enjoy in life.

I really am happy now, still single but contented. 🙂

Then…Now…Someday.

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Back then, I was happy
The feeling that makes you strong
Made you forget all of your vulnerability

Now, I am depressed
Imprisoned by the feeling
I really wish I could suppressed

Someday, I hope I could be happy
Will no longer feel the depression,
the suppression and my vulnerabilty

Past, Present, Future. I wish I could go back
Or I wish I could fast forward time.
But sad to say, I couldn’t even exchange it
for millions and millions of dimes.