You are the man I loved since the moment I saw you and sadly until now even though you already walked away. I really thought you are the one for me, the one I could be with forever. But forever is impossible between us.
I know I have my faults too why you fall out of love. But I will try to explain myself. Behind all those shooing was a heart that wanted you to stay and annoy me still. Behind all those opposition I made every time you make an argument was really a heart that wanted to be with you and talk to you and argue about silly things.
Behind those tired eyes was a heart longing for you to give me rest on your shoulders and assure me that everything will fall into place. Behind those shrugged of annoyance was a heart that wanted to be understood.
But when the day you said that you don’t love me anymore I feel like my color has taken away from. Everything turned dull and blurry. It felt like a lost a sense of living. I lost the will to live. I cried all night trying to numb myself from the pain of your words. What am I supposed to do now? How about those promises we made together? Am I going to do it alone?
I cried in front of my Mom and was about to say how I lost you but I just said that my grade is about to fail (which is true because I was so distracted thinking how we are falling a part and studying is difficult at those times). Mom said that I should focus more and she said that I can do a lot better.
I tried to cheer myself up and did everything to make my life even busier so that I will not think about you. I read a lot of books and sleep and eat more. Showing everyone that I can be happy without you. And when you are being teased by the girl you love now I just smile and say I don’t care. But I care A LOT!
Sorry if I really got mad and say hurtful things to you. That was because I was corrupted by my pain and anger and my pride cannot fathom the fact that you will never be mine anymore. But you know what? Every time I saw you my heart wanted to burst and I wanted to scream because of the pain.
Whenever I hear your name with our common friends I feel like crying and misses you even more. I don’t know if you are able to read this but I bet you can’t because you don’t care anymore. I just wanted you to know that I love you always. I may seem busy with everything and my hands are full with activities at school but I never missed a single second to miss you.
It hurts me when they say you are like my underling, the one who is always tailing behind. No… I don’t want them to talk about you like that because you are the person I look up to. You are like my Vanilla Star.
But now you changed. You didn’t keep your promises. Do you want me to remind you of them?
-You said I will never be an old maid because you’re going to marry me.
-You said you you are willing to wait
-You said that you will never get tired of me even though I am so annoying to the maximum level
-Lastly, when I thought everything will feel apart you said to me that you will never ever be gone by my side
But even though you changed I don’t know why I continue to love you. I am not asking you to come back. I already know that will never happen. I will just ask you to be back to the guy I once knew. The one who brought me closer to God. Who’s mouth is clean from profanity. The one who would make up with my craziness and joke that is out of this earth but it’s funny anyway (for me). The one who is sensitive enough of how others would feel if they are being bullied.
You never stand up for what is right anymore. You only stand up for those bad influenced friend of yours.
I hope if you ever read this you will realize I never change. The only one who changed was the one who gave up the love he started and memories that were thrown away. And my fault? I just watched you made all those changes and understand that some people really change and to let them see that you really love them you will love those changes. And I did.
I am starting to move on now not because I want to but I need to because you already did. Again I just wanted you to know that even you changed, I loved those changes and will love you until this pain in my heart will fade.
May God bless you! And I love you forever and always…